On September 2nd, 2013, I celebrated the sixth year of my marriage and, fittingly, read Brian Doyle who wrote that, “Marriage is a verb.”
I think this means that marriage is not a static entity or changeless reality. Marriage is neither a concrete object nor any kind of statue, forever frozen in time and space with a single expression on his or her face. The best marriages probably have no idea that they are in this category, much less expect a blue ribbon. They are too busy being.
They are evolving, moving, shaping, and probing.
They are growing, knowing, learning, failing, falling, learning and re-learning and re-re-learning and again and again.
They are dipping, diving, skying, flying, crashing, roller-coaster riding.
They are thrill-a-minute motion pictures and tedious like the worst math class.
They are saying, “Oh, no you didn’t” and “Oh, my God you did” and “Don’t you ever again” and “Please, please, please” and “Sorry, sorry; I’m so, so sorry.”
They are like praying, at least the way Mary Oliver thinks of praying, as attentiveness to the moment because every moment is saturated with miracle, like when my beloved lights a candle before dinner and smiles, and suddenly, you are present. You are really, truly there. And you, too, are a verb; you are being-with.